To know where you’re going, you have to know where you’ve been.

You know, in my joy of what today is, I completely and totally forgot, for a brief moment, what it’s like being infertile.

A few folks that I hold dear to my heart didn‘t comment on my last post. And I don’t blame them. When we were in the throes of TTC, it was really, really hard to read any “baby stuff” out there in blog land – I just couldn’t deal with reading all of the mommy blogs sometimes. Even when they were my friends, my sisters in the trenches. Because when you are in a position where you feel like your body has failed you, you feel like less of a “real” woman, you hate every pregnant belly you see, you hate reading about all of the cute things “little sparky” did today – it just makes you gag. Even when they are you friends, and you love them dearly. it’s just.too.hard.

So I share this to remind myself of the journey We’ve taken. of the pain I’ve felt over the past four years of having my body constantly remind me that it can’t give me what I’ve always wanted it to: the experience of pregnancy. 16 donor sperm IUI cycles, 4 different donors, 8 failed adoption “situations.” I’ve been there. I get it. I know. It sucks. Big donkey balls.

So I’m sorry if my previous post was hard to read. Know that I only wish for you to have what your heart and soul desires.

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4 thoughts on “To know where you’re going, you have to know where you’ve been.

  1. It was admittedly a bit hard (though I’m really really happy for you guys) because NOT only has my body failed me, but my ADOPTION process has too (not permanently, mind you…just currently). Kate will be a year old on Tuesday and she’s still stuck in a quagmire of paperwork so I am envious that your little one, only a few months older than ours has been with you a whole year. BUT it’s wonderful too!!

  2. I am sorry I was tardy in commenting, but I assure you that I am thrilled when people I care about have wonderful things happen to them. Malka is so wonderful!!
    It is most kind of you to reach out to your infertile chicas, but I also know that you still carry the same sort of longing in your heart.

    xo

  3. Please PLEASE don’t apologize for being happy-NEVER apologize for that. You deserve it. I should be the one who is apologizing, since MP3 is my niecey-poo and she is just so gorgeous and has such a cute bite-face….and I’m being a bit self-absorbed at the ‘mo….

    Anyways, you know what I mean.

    But, I do appreciate the sensitivity, I really do. And, that’s why I love you and Narda and MP3 so much-because you get it, and you don’t let it get in the way of our friendship.

    Kisses to all of my favorite girls.

  4. I agree with S. No appologies for being happy. Seriously.

    Malka is adorable, and you and N are so so lucky to be so happy.

    Happy Anneversary!

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